Thursday, January 22, 2009

Extracted Wisdom

So, in a rather painful episode, I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed, resulting in my looking like this, or this, only not as cute. Given that I've spent most of my day propped up in bed, drifting in and out of sleep, and getting dizzy watching Season 2 of Lost, while occasionally popping to the bathroom to spit out about half a pint of blood, it's safe to say that I'm not in the best of moods. In fact, I would even go so far as to define it as a combination of woe-is-me-ness, hatred of the world, and general weltschmerz.

But putting my misery aside, the reasons for this post are threefold:
1) I want you to empathize with my wretched (perhaps slightly exaggerated) condition.
2) For those of you who have been through this before, recommendations for what to eat/drink would be very welcome. I've been surviving on gatorade, applesauce and pudding. And oh, I had one of these too.
3) And perhaps most importantly, I would encourage you to check back often - because given the combination of having nothing to do and feeling rather venomous, unless I pass out from losing too much blood, I expect to be rather prolific in my sardonic output.

A couple of quick questions/notes from my time spent in the dentist's office:
Are dentists always late?
Do dental clinics always smell that sterile?
Do women always seem cuter as you're nearing losing consciousness as a result of heavy sedation? I think I may have wanted to marry my dental assistant, but passed out just as I was contemplating popping the question. By the time I came to, the moment was lost. Maybe it was because she had seen the inside of my mouth like none other, or perhaps it was due to my having regained conscousness, and more importantly, coherence - I guess we'll never know.
My seat was parked right in front of a window, and had a fabulous view of the south-east corner of central park (wiki) - essentially this pond here (only because it's winter, it looked more like this). Anyway, the point is, about 30 seconds before passing out, while falling in love with my dental assistant, I also happened to notice, waddling about, bang in the middle of the pond, a long row of...wait for it...DUCKS! I didn't know how to react, and to be honest, didn't really have the time, but seriously - I saw ducks in central park in the winter. Now, I'm sure this is a relatively common sight for those traipsing about the park in heart of winter, but apart from passing out piss drunk once somewhere near CPW, and drinking champagne in the middle of the park on new year's eve three years ago, I haven't really spent much time in the park in the cold months.
That being said, on coming to, it's the first thing I thought of, and all I really wanted to say was, "there you go, Holden."

So there you go.

Note: for those of you who feel I have violated MYK's disclaimer, fuck you - i'm in pain.


Update: Ahhh, Percocet. Excellent.

4 comments:

  1. What's the over-under on the number of people who will get the Catcher reference?

    ReplyDelete
  2. That should make it easier...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Stop talking down to our readers, you pretentious, elitist fucks.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello the wisdom is important if youre wise you will take good decisions and if you take good decision youre life will be fantastic.

    ReplyDelete