Monday, July 13, 2009

Younis gives Fawad the crazy eyes

Q: When can you tell a Pakistani player has the potential to be a breakout star?

A: When Younis Khan makes it very clear he wants to rape him.

Check out Younis's expression in the photo above. If that look doesn't spell sodomy for Alam, I dont know what does. Subtlety aint one of Younis's strong suits, and there's nothing delicate about that fiery gaze he's directing at Alam. YK is sizing FA up. YK likes what he sees. YK is going to go to town on that boy after the end of the innings.

And why not?

You see, I'm not rehashing the old "pathans are ravenous gays" jokes, which are pretty tired. Neither am I implying that Younis is romantically interested in Fawad.

Rather, I'm talking about the ultimate test of character Younis subjects all emerging Pakistani cricketers to and this test is usually carried out in a roughly horizontal position (emphasis on "rough"). You see, the mark of any good player is the mark Younis leaves on his body. Misbah got it. Akmal got it. Afridi kind of gave it right back to Younis. But let no one accuse Younis of being an indiscriminate lover. Mohammad Sami never got it, even though many felt he had the potential. Sami wishes YK would have given it to him, but Sami could never have handled it.

Unlike Alam.

Fawad Alam may very well be the missing link in our batting line-up; the solution to all our problems. But far be it for Younis to simply celebrate him as such. Younis is not given to faint praise. He's seen them come and go. He's been around for guys like Mohammad Asif who were trumpeted as the second coming of Christ but couldn't handle a night with YK - turning to drugs and steroids to relieve the pain from that one night YK tested his mettle.

And if anybody thinks I'm talking out of my ass, check out Sidharth Mongia's confirmation of YK's special test:

Younis told him (Fawad) he had got something for him, which he would show him in the dressing room.

If Alam is ever to make it as a player, he has to grit his teeth and survive Younis's test. If he truly wants to convince himself and the world that he's for real, he has to withstand the thrust of Younis's argument. In order to earn the respect of his team and his country, he has to match Younis pound for pound. He has to let Younis drive his point in. Alam shouldn't approach this test half assed, but rather be very anal about the fact that Younis give him the full monty.

And I think the kid can do it.


  1. You clearly are a crazy person. What is this you are writing. You have the freedom of expressing your feelings but please use your head and think what you write before you write something.
    I think you lack a sense of what should be written and what shouldn't be written?
    Have you even read what you've written over here????
    Just listen to your self, if you have an iota of sense, you will notice you are way out of line.

  2. absolutely disgusting and not really funny at all......very disappointing given the rest of the entries on this blog which are actually quite hilarious...